May 7, 2013

Ten on Tuesday - 1 !!



In this world of nuclear families, we seldom opt to live with our parents except for few people. The only time they are with us are either for holidays, any special occasions or if either the parents or we are not keeping well. In case of us who are staying abroad, parents visit us once in a while and when they do, they do stay for 6 months. Staying so far away from home land, we definitely do miss our family and are very excited on their arrival. At the same time, we are used to a certain lifestyle and their presence seem to be an intrusion to our daily schedules. It takes time for them and for us to adjust to each other again.

Okay, let me not beat about the bush. I'm coming there to the point. With all my experience and expertise, here I come up with a small lecture to bore you guys:
  1. Never say bad things or complain about their son aka your hubby. Do not point out his in-capabilities. Do you really think it's going to work? Bleak chances of your problem being solved. 
  2. We all know you are a social butterfly who has a wagon of friends. But, keep them aside for a while. Don't speak on the phone for long. Especially guys. Do you really want to gossip with your girl friends? Do it offline.
  3. I think this should stand as the first point. If they love to cook, leave the kitchen to them. If you feel they'll mess up your kitchen, that's okay. You can fix it later. If you think your $400 cooking set is going to get spoiled, stow away into the garage and get one for $50 while they are here.
  4. They have come a long way leaving their nest, their neighbors, relatives and everyone. You confined them to the four walls the whole day. So, they would love to go out. Be it shopping or to the park. Let them go..forget the front seat of the car for the next 6 months. If they want something, buy it for them. You aren't going to save a fortune on their shopping.
  5. Even if they are REALLY extra nice people, do not bitch about your hubby, SIL or your own family too. Remember, blood is thicker than water. You are always an outsider. Every word counts. In some moment of weakness, you crib about your mom's side of the family, you are putting your head in their hands. 
  6. If you don't like them interfering in kids' matters, tell it slowly and softly or through their sons. Rudeness just make matters worse. Kids try to take advantage of the extra love and affection they are getting in this period. Be firm with the kids.
  7. It's okay to not show them every single thing that you shop. Some are happy that you are able to buy what you want, while some think you are wasting money on useless stuff. What they don't know, won't hurt them.
  8. Parents want that extra time with their son. That doesn't mean they are taking away your hubby. If you think they influence him or he listens to them and takes it out on you, make it even with him. Go on a date, speak your heart out and ask what has changed? This is the most difficult and crucial spot.
  9. Guys, your eating habits must have changed after marriage. So, try to make a balance when appreciating the food made by mom or wife. You could hit a raw nerve here.
  10. In this last stage of life, what are they here for? After all, to take good care of your kids, serve you hot food and live the rest of the life with fond memories. They deserve a little respect and love. 
P.S: I have written this as a DIL. These are applicable to all with slight modifications. It's almost Wednesday...

28 comments:

  1. You are bang on each and every point! Though I don't have in-laws, but have seen enough families where the happy-go-lucky scenario changes to crib-angry-pissed mode, when the in-laws come visiting.

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    1. You are right. Small adjustments can go a long way. Shilpa, you are the inspiration behind coming up with a Ten on Tuesday post. :)

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  2. You have chosen a daring topic Prudhvi.
    Its not always white or black there is a lot of gray area in between in such topics with lots of variables. Are you attempting to write about elders (irrespective of whether they are parents or in-laws or are you suggesting how to lay safe as a DIL or a SIL?)
    Anyway I applaud and appreciate your courage in picking such a topic which is not straight forward and putting your best effort to get the good message out there to everyone.
    cheers, your friend

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    1. I was wondering who this Anonymous friend was. Thank you Geeta :). I agree with you. Things are not white and black all the time. I am attempting to say parents, not just in-laws. But I have written it standing in the shoes of a DIL and a daughter too.
      And that was a very cheering and encouraging comment. Thank you for being there.

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  3. The values we live by are worth more when we pass them on....!! Truly wonderful tips. Civility binds us. It denotes respect. It allows us to disagree without being disagreeable.Great blog!
    You have a fan here, FiF!:))
    Living is easy with eyes closed...No one has the right to be disrespectful to parents/in-laws to the point where they lose their hearts completely. Let your in-laws read this--they'll love their precious DIL.
    Love you for this ♥

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    1. Good to see you after a long time, Di :) Aww..that was such a heartfelt comment. I was skeptical posting this wondering how many moms and MILs will I hurt in the process. I have my crazy moments too. Trying to grow out of them; that is when posts like these arise. And I am flattered by your love. Hugs!!

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  4. Luckily my mil is very nice. And these don't apply to me. As a matter of fact, she and I bitch together about the son and the husband :). But true, works in most homes.

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    1. Mine is nice too...but then you know, there comes a moment when the bubble bursts. Even, we both bitch the same, but that is when I learnt, it's not safe to do it all the time :P. You never know when the love for the son overwhelms..;)

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  5. Practical tips to similarly placed.When I am in US I am with my daughter and there is over affection and care!!

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    1. You are a lucky father, KP sir. It's not the case with many families :)

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  6. :D I so agree with all your points Latha and am learning, these tips I will remember always

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    1. Are you serious, Bhagya? I'm really glad to know they made sense to you and you felt them meaningful. :)

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  7. Wow latha, you must be making a lovely DIL, so understanding and empathatic....
    Seniors mainly need some respect and love which youngsters find so difficult to give with their own logics for that...

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    1. OMG....I think I gave a too good picture of me here...no no..I also get crazy like all DILs, but I am learning with each experience..but no matter what, they need some respect. We will be there one day and then we will know the pain.

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  8. Very thoughtful tips Latha ,bless you !

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  9. When we are young we sidestep some of the tips which you have suggested. As you say, love, respect and consideration go a long way.

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    1. You are so right, Alka. We don't know that when young..only with years passing, will we realize what we should have done.

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  10. Wonderful post Latha. Nice tips .These tips are applicable for Mil and Dil. I am a Mil and have a very understanding, affectionate and warm relations.

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    1. Thank you for the kind warms words, Usha ji. You are right. Even as daughters, we need to keep them in mind. This post is like a self reminder to myself :) Glad you have good relations..

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  11. Totally, they are applicable to all Indian families. A wise lesson Latha :)

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  12. A profound post Latha:) Appreciated from every perspective you had in mind and to present them so nicely:)

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    1. Am glad to receive many kind and appreciating words from elders like you, Rahul sir. Makes me feel good :)

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  13. Too bad we had to wait for time and experience to teach us the lessons in life. Wish we had know it a bit earlier on, would have averted many mishaps...Good post keep it up

    vidhya from AUS

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    1. You are right dear. Lessons are learnt with experiences and we pay a heavy price for it. Happens many times..a bit of patience and perseverance, a pinch of smartness will take us long way.

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