November 7, 2013

Learned to let it go...

As the world was busy celebrating Diwali, I was happy that S joined us finally after staying away from the family for a few months and I took a deep breath. On the other hand, the reunion brought smiles and sorrow at the same time. Smiles for all of us, sorrow for me. What kind of a person would whine when her husband joins after months? Coming to the point, the reason for my sulking is S bought a new car. Now, why would anyone cry if you buy a new car? You should be rejoicing with joy, distributing mithai and pictures on Facebook. Well, he bought a car of his choice and not mine.


Then began the process of nagging and reeling the flashbacks and reminding him on how he always bought the car he wanted etc...etc. Because this is a repetition of the car buying tradition. My frustration reached saturation and I went on thinking of all the curses that have been my prized possession over the years. My imagination took wings to paint the car saying, "I'm a piece of shit"!! Like those cars that are painted, " Just Married"! Gosh! Crazy girl! What are you? Nuts?? Peak of madness is what it is called.



I even wanted to smack it and whack it with my new mortar pestle. I fumed and sulked though he promised me to buy what I wanted after purchasing a home. I cried with my closest friends and confided all my devilish wishes of destruction. 



If y'all remember Scarlett O'Hara of 'Gone with the Wind' fame, that is exactly what I was trying to be. Trying not to think of the problem right now. I was okay as long as I didn't see that thing in the garage. I thought I was slowly getting over it. However, I swore I wouldn't step into it. 



This Tuesday, right before noon, we were all busy with our work. Some working, some chatting and some getting ready for lunch. There was a scream from the corridor outside our closed room. Something has happened. I wanted to go and see what has happened. But I didn't want to add to the crowd. After few minutes when I looked out of the window, I noticed the fire and police. Someone said they were doing CPR on a person. Within minutes, they took her on a stretcher. Later that noon, our manager informed that she had a cardiac arrest and she was undergoing a surgery. Not a good news to hear, but I was glad she got the needed help on time. I went to bed that night with a silent prayer. 



Next day morning, there was an email saying she passed away. She is survived by a husband and two kids aged 11 and 7. She came to work in the morning like any of us did, expected to get back home to her family like all of us. What's going to happen to the kids for the rest of their lives? With Thanks giving and Christmas round the corner, they won't have their mama with them? How terrible! My heart bleeds at the thought of the poor kids. 



While trying to sink in everything that is happening around, I talk to a friend on the phone that noon about this incident that happened at work. We felt sorry for the family and were discussing how short and unexpected life has become. Jokingly the friend says, and see you are fighting over a silly car. I smiled. No. I laughed at myself. 



Today morning after I pulled my car from the driveway and turned it around, I paused for a second, glanced at the new car for the first time. After all, life is short!!!



P.S: Rest in Peace Michelle May! You will be in our prayers!

35 comments:

  1. So true, Latha! Sometimes, when we bicker over small things we forget the larger things and their importance in your life. My heart goes out to the lady who passed away. My condolences! Who knows you may actually love the new car if you give it a chance. Cheer up, girl!

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    1. I know...I try to say that to myself many times, Rachna. And still fail miserably. I have an ego king size. :(. As of now, I just accepted the fact that, it's okay..he bought what he wanted...I still need to get over it a lot more.
      Seriously, I keep thinking of her so often...I hardly know her. May the family have strength in these hard times.

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  2. Though I cant relate to the feeling because I am not so very particular about car:)...but I feel that life is too short to have grudges for anything..let it go:)

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    1. Thanks for agreeing, Renu. Yes, life is too short to have grudges..I think it will take some time for me.

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  3. Aah! Sad about your neighbour! May she RIP.
    Yes, life is too short to waste in worries and regrets! Congratulations for the new car and enjoy riding in it! Cheers :)

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    1. Very sad, Shilpa. She works in our office. :( Thank you for the wishes. Aahh...riding in it, I won't now. Until I get my car...Does that mean I didn't really let it go?

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  4. This is so sad. Yup, life is too short and don't know what else to right... Let the soul RIP.

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    1. Yes, it is....very unexpected and uncertain otherwise. Welcome here Uma.

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  5. You have crossed the major hurdle, you have agreed to let go, and soon you would be happy riding in that car. We cannot always wish things would go our way, sometimes it is alright to have others have their way too.
    Maybe in some other issue he might do the way you want it, although he may not be very happy doing it. we are together because we love each other, and not because of the material things in life.
    Wish you all the best.

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    1. Thank you for the words of wisdom, Rama. Yes, I agreed to let it go. You are right. It's okay to have others get their way...I hope my turn will come soon, too :)

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  6. Tragedies like these bring us back to reality.I do hope you have gotten over it by now.Sulking must have given you more anxiety than the joy a car of your choice would have given you,because such pleasures last only for the initial few weeks or days.Then it all becomes routine---no?

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    1. That was a really tragic incident. I think of the family almost every day.
      Coming to the car, I haven't completely gotten over it yet. :(..Sulking only gave me more frustration...no anxiety. May be it will become routine after a few weeks..:)

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  7. Latha it is very sad to know about this lady.May her soul rest in peace.
    Congrats for the new car. I am sure you will love riding in it. The ice is already broken.....you have accepted it. Soon you will fall in love with it!

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    1. It is, Usha ji..very sad..she was healthy lady it seems...never fallen sick or anything.
      I think I have accepted it, let us see how long it will take for me before I ride in it.

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  8. I am like you Latha, holding on to grudges especially if the better half does things his way, but I am learning.
    Today morning I saw a 'career woman' going with her laptop and I felt a tinge of jealousy and then I corrected myself.
    There are so many things to learn and unlearn, so many ways to better myself and I wonder if this lifetime is enough for all that

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    1. We are all in that process of learning and growing, Bhagya. I would feel jealous on seeing super moms, but now I really don't care..still, I feel jealous on moms who spend a lot of time with their kids and engage them 24/7. somehow, I am not that breed. I try to come to that understanding each time, but without my knowledge take the guilt trips. Also, good to see a message from you after long time :)

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  9. There are so many people in this world who are leading such a life that will bring tears in our eyes. We should strive to make things better but we should also be thankful for what we have. :)

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    1. Exactly, Amit. Completely agree with you. Seeing the people die in Philippines, the realisation struck me one more time. I stopped making things worse, don't know if I can make them better though. And thankful for what we have, absolutely!!

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  10. When we focus on those who are less fortunate we value our blessings. Though it is easier said than done. May her soul rest in peace. Life is really unpredictable.

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    1. Very unpredictable, Alka. It will be a week for today that she passed away :(
      we know we are blessed, still crib over petty things..

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  11. Our problems, grouses seem so trivial in the larger scheme. As long as you and you family are healthy, every setback can be overcome.

    Hope you had an awesome Diwali :-)

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    1. Very true, Purba. As they say health is wealth..I started counting my blessing of having a healthy family. Yes, Diwali was good. Kids got to fire crackers, we too. :)

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  12. This reminds me of the story of a man who cribbed about the shoes till he saw a man without a leg! So lets thank for all the good fortunes we have Latha:) Hope you had a sparkling Diwali!

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    1. Agree, Rahul. With a life that I have, I need to thank all the gods on this Thanks giving. :)
      Sorry for a late reply. Normally, I am prompt..but life and work has become crazy.

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    2. Never too late and I have been a culprit having been out of touch now for over two weeks Latha:)

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  13. At times, incidents like these help us realize that the Almighty has been really kind with us. It helps realize that what we take for granted is perhaps a luxury for others.

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    1. You are right, Ashwini. God is kind to us in many ways. There are millions who would want a life like us.

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  14. I guess it's helpful to sometimes look at the misfortunes of others and feel less miserable about your own. For some reason that tactic doesn't work with me (I wish it did). I feel that you can feel better about almost any situation if you see what happens to other people around the world. I mean with starving children in Africa, pretty much any issue you and I have pales into insignificance.

    And yeah, I agree that life is short...and that really...kind of depresses me actually!

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    1. You know, I am also like that. When incidents like these happen, they make me ponder. But again, falling in the cycle of life, I tend to get back to the complaining mode..after all, we are humans.
      Welcome to my space, Bhagwad. Thanks for reading.

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  15. Very true, Latha! We often forget to count out blessings!

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    1. Madam, you found time to read my blog in all the hustle bustle going on? Thanks for reading, dear. :)

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  16. True. Traumatic incidents make us realize how some things we fret a lot about are miniscule in the big picture . Nice post

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    1. These days many such things are happening and with each one, I complain less. Thank you, Jaish :)

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  17. Reality this is...life has different colors...

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    1. Sure, it does :) Welcome here and thank you for reading..

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