Me: Hello
The other line: Hello…Oh Hi Xxxxx, how r u?
Me: Ya, am doing good...how abt u?
Other: ya, we r all good....had been thinking to call you for so long now. Just not getting the time...you know how busy it is..with 2 kids ( if the other person is working, then they add a tag, you know work and 2 kids)
Me: hmm..ya I know, I know...it's really hard ( inside I keep cursing myself for calling them and at the same time cursing them and their busyness)
The conversation goes on for 5-10 mins if our monsters interrupt or continue to talk for another 30 mins max.
Hmm..this is how most of the modern (to)day ph conversations between two women ( working/ not working/ with kids or without kids ) take place. Why I say women is, I don’t really know how it goes between men. Why? What's the reason? Are we all so BUSY to spare 15 mins once a month to talk and say hi, hello to our old buddies?
Before starting the blame game, let me put one thing honestly. I have not been calling a friend I know for quite some time. There is no reason behind. We are just not so close to keep an ongoing phone relationship. At the same time, we are not just acquaintances. We know them pretty well. One day, I come to know through a common friend that the former’s mom is suffering from cancer and is in her last stages. I have seen her mom, met her couple of times and was totally shocked on hearing this. She is a pretty woman who is(was) very healthy and pink. A pang of shame and guilt covered me and took a while to settle myself. Once I became composed, I immediately called her and expressed my grief. Warm at heart, I hope she excused me.
People in the U.S have ample time than those working in India. How? I will come up in another post about the differences in the life-styles. What do we do here on the weekends? Waking up late, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, partying. What I have observed is, these so called BUSY people do not have any hobbies, do not visit any places, do not have interest to do anything in life.
There was a time when I believed people who told me they are busy. But, now I don't. I know each of us have done this busy posing at least once in our lives and will still do it in the coming days. I am not saying I have all the time in the world to talk over the phone for hours together. I understand everyone has pretty tight schedules. Meet work deadlines, cook, feed, clean, pick-ups, drop offs and infinite household chores to complete.
Still, beyond all this, it takes just 10 minutes of the time you spend in searching for pirated movies online, of the rubbish you talk in India calls gossiping about in-laws, gold prices, friends/relatives who invested in real estate lately, of the FB time you spent, of the never ending shopping sprees and the list is endless of the useless stuff we do. How to grab the 5 mins? While driving (blue tooth helps, trust me on this), while waiting for your kids practices, while cleaning the house, while cooking, while dishwashing, again, where there is a will, there is a way. Or else why do we have those 150 phone numbers in our phone. Just delete them.
Know what is happening around you. Know what is happening with the people you know in your life. If you are too busy for people now, there would be no people when you need them!
Posts
చాలా బాగా రాశారండీ..:-) వాస్తవం గా ఇలాంటి అనుభవాలు నాకు చాలానే ఉన్నాయి.ఈ మధ్య ఎవరిని చూసినా వాళ్ళంత బిజీ గా ఎవరు లేరన్నట్లుగా behave చేస్తున్నారు..ఎందుకో తెలీదు.I'm a house wife.ఇప్పుడు పరిస్థితి ఎలా ఉందంటే , ఎవరికైనా కాల్ చేసినా నేనేదో పనీ పాటా లేక ఇంట్లో ఉంటాను కాబట్టి టచ్ లో ఉంటున్నానని ఫీల్ అవుతున్నారు...ఇప్పుడు అందరి వెనకాల పడీ పడీ విసుగొచ్చి నా పని నేను చూసుకోవడం మొదలు పెట్టాను..ఆల్మోస్ట్ 1 ఇయర్ అవుతోంది,నా అంతట నేను నా చిన్న నాటి స్నేహితురాళ్ళకి కాల్ చేసి..:-(
ReplyDeleteNenu meeku Telugu lo reply ivvali ante laptop on cheyali...so kshaminchandi plsss...:) I know exactly what you are saying. What many people don't realize is, a person is more busy as a housewife than a working woman. Been there, done that. Ala anukunte Valla karma ani vadileyandi...kaani vallu cheyakapoina naku ok anukunna vallake cheyandi....maaku almost andaru friends alane chestunnaru ante nammutara? ....:( thank u again Nagini.
DeleteA thought provoking post Latha. But then there are people whom you befriend and then with passage of time you realize that both of you have changed and have nothing more in common. Then what to do? Saying so because I find that it is happening with me. I connected with so many of my school friends, colleagues etc but other than the initial euphoria, there was nothing more to share.
ReplyDeleteThanks Bhagyasree. You are right. I have also faced many such situations. You meet your school or college friends after a decade or 15 yrs and you just can't re-connect. All of us change over a period of time. But we still have the same expectations on them as we knew them from school or college. But, there are some friends no matter what, a life time also, you gel with them in minutes. It happened to me ...:) in the case you mentioned, I think we should just let it go...b cos both of us are already changed, you cannot transform again.
DeleteHmmm So true FIF, we often give this reason that we are busy and forget basic things, recently i mailed my close friend for some reason and he was very annoyed and wrote a mail back saying its only now you remember and only then I realized how bad I had behaved :(
ReplyDeleteHappens these are not intentional but yes hurts a lot.
Yes Ramya, all of us have become so busy in our grinding schedules; we forget to notice what's happening around us.
DeleteI liked the line you used about people in us being less busy it is true.. I think I have more time to do things then my friends in India.. BUt there is a one little difference and without any disrespect to anyone , out there in india they are busy without any work.. It makes me so mad that its me only who sometimes keeps calling friends or relative and they dont have time to call once..
ReplyDeleteI have stopped calling those who have not called me for months , and I dont intend to call either I am very bad that way :)
No one can be so busy they cant take out time, I also dont beleive that to me its an excuse..
Bikram's
Bikram, we face exactly the same situation. S (hubby) tells it all the time. I casually asked him one day, how a friend of his was doing. He replied saying, I donno..i don't call that fellow anymore. It's only me who is calling and never hear back from him. I could hear what he was saying. And you know, it's not just that one guy...almost all of them are like that..we end up thinking, what did we do? Did we hurt them by any chance? But they are all close friends who he knows for 2 decades. If they happen to meet, both of them are again so close as if nothing has happened. So, it's such a weird situation where you can't leave your friends or hang on....so, my advice to him is, if they don't call you and you still feel like talking to them, just go ahead and call them. If you think you can survive without talking to them, then just ignore them. And when you meet, just behave as they do.
DeleteSame here , I know if i tell one friend i am coming they will be all there driving all the way to DELHI to pick me up, happens every time but no phone calls and it makes me so angry sometimes ..
Deleteyou have given a good advice, I get the same too :) but sometimes when I am sitting alone thinking it just hurts a bit thats all..
I also know If i call them they will be there
Bikram's
Right...I agree. It does hurt Bikram, sometimes a lot.
DeleteVery right Latha. Actually I think distances have increased somehow. I don't know if it is the busy life or something else.
ReplyDeleteI know Jas. Relations were better in the Inland letter days than emails.
DeleteActually people pretend to be busy and act pricey. I think we all have time whether we are in India or US...
ReplyDeleteRight Saru. Even though we are tied up with all sorts of work, if we want we can really make it. We have become so busy that the little time we get, I think people feel like relaxing rather than take time to call someone and inquire their whereabouts.
DeleteI have no clue why you would write this post. You were one of those few friends who messaged me regularly through the last two months. Your sweet notes kept me company and made me feel loved. And I wondered how you bothered to care so much...so I am confused when I read this post..why you???
ReplyDeletehmm..I don't know why..I had been thinking for an answer the whole day. I went to a point where I felt, was I caring too much for her because she is a new friend and I want to build a good relation with her? Nah..I already know that I can make friends with anyone. But this post came out of that frustration of the first few lines I wrote. I hear it so often from my close friends and I can't say it on their face. At the same time, I think I am failing to maintain a good relation with all the people I meet. You know, we end up having a continued relation with only a few of them. I had composed this one 6 months back, but then saved it for a later date. If you see Bikram's reply, you'll know half of it. Did I answer your question or confuse you? btw, this mesg of yours ended up in spam..that's why I couldn't know it earlier.
Deletei hardly call up anybody now because i have had bitter experiences in the past. and i immediately delete the numbers of those who don't respond properly. i use my phone only for important stuffs these days. neither i use facebook or twitter. it's actually laughable to see what people try to do there.
ReplyDeleteanyway, i thought i will just see what's happening here before even i become busy :D. will visit your blog whenever i have time and say 'hello' to you :D
I understand Deb. That's how one of my hubby's friend does too. He will call a person 3 times. If the other person does not respond or call back after 3 calls, he deletes their numbers..These days you know what is the latest trend on FB? people log in, they don't give any comments or anything..they just stalk your lives..and pretend as if they never login to FB at all..
DeleteAnd thanks for stopping by :) Will be waiting for your visits..:)
If there is a will there is a way! A busiest man can be entrusted with anything to be done and not one who pretend to be busy!
ReplyDeleteWell said Rahulji :)
DeleteOne is never too busy for something or someone that one really cares about. That said, we need to plan our things and time better. And, many times we moms are so caught up in activities that time seems to be slipping away. I always make an effort to stay in touch with close friends even though it may not be regularly. But, those that don't stay in touch often fade away.
ReplyDeleteVery true Rachna. We are caught up in these grinding schedules, time just slips away. But one phone call once n 3 or 5 months for 5-10 minutes, makes you feel good.
DeleteBusy is a convenient and non hurting alibi for failure to be in touch.The intention may not be bad but priorities vary,Like you would be in touch with friends at Folsom oftener or telephone them frequently than you would with a close friend of college days in India or elsewhere.The intimacy of friendship is not directly proportional to the calls made but being there when you need them.When the number of friend/relatives are huge,it is well nigh impossible to be in touch even once in a while.
ReplyDeleteI agree KP sir. My instincts always know that some friends, though not in touch are always there. Forget about friends in India, friends in the bay area where I lived for more than 6 years, I wonder if I can count on some of them. True, priorities change. After I posted this one, I realized may be if I don't have any expectations from any one, I wouldn't end up writing this one :)
Deleteagree with you here that at times people pretend like they are busy though actually they are not.....and what i feel is that its the simple excuse one can have for not calling or visitng our respective places and we must overlook that if its not a regular practice from the other side....but again it does irritates when you call someone and he/she start their own old saga of not getting enough time for all those lame reasons.....
ReplyDeleteBTW thanks for visiting my space and leaving those wonderful words there.....sory for my late reply, you know i was busy, so........:))
and you have got a beautiful blog here, i am folowing it now....:)
yes, Irfan. I think I should have got used to it by now..:) Thank you for the sweet comment and hope I don't disappoint you in my writings..:)
DeleteHi,this is my first visit to your blog though i have seen you around-same reason-paucity of time,hahaha.To be serious i too feel as if only i am itching to make contact & waiting for the phone to ring.When it does not i worry where did i go wrong.Perhaps the priorities differ.
ReplyDeleteHi Indu Chibber..Welcome here and hope to see you often :) Yes, it is up to us to have the contact or not too.
DeleteI thought it happened only in Mumbai - where people say "We must meet" and are always busy. Like you very rightly said we must learn to prioritize things to make time for people who matter. Relationships like flowers have to be watered frequently or else they wither and die.
ReplyDeletehaha..It happens all over the world, Corinne. I just happened to meet someone yesterday, who said, come over once, we should meet, and this happened many times but we always talk only like that in play grounds or shops. I liked the line you said about Relationships. Corinne, btw, I am unable to post comments on your posts in your blog. Do I have to have a wordpress account to do so?
DeleteAbsolutely true!
ReplyDeletenicely written!! I loved it:)
Thank you AmitAag..:)
DeleteVery interesting and enjoyabe post.Posing to be busy is becoming a universal phenomenon.We must realise the importance and also the need for human relations. If we shake off people under the garb of being too busy, we too will get the same tit for tat. So folks. spare time for friends and well wishers otherwise.............You deserve kudos for weiting this.
ReplyDeleteA million thanks to you Usha ji for taking time in going through all my posts. You are right. This post came out of such frustration of everyone being busy..Glad you enjoyed reading it.
DeleteI too feel the same way that a lot of people use busy as a smokescreen not to remain in touch. When one sees the same set of people 'liking' and commenting on FB etc, one get's the message. But I have also got reasons like electricity and no battery etc from such a lot. So I've struck them from my little black book for good:)
ReplyDeleteWelcome here, Chatty Wren. Liking and commenting on FB is one thing. The other is, these days people log in to FB, stalk what is going on in your lives, but never comment or do anything. Just tribe, I HATE them. Hahaha..Electricity, battery dead..too much..people can give any reasons. Good job that you have done. Thank you so much for the comment.
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