January 16, 2019

Small things do matter!

"Amma...amma, Can I get bangs?"
"No, Nanna"
"But why amma? What is wrong in getting bangs?"
I have no answer. 
"Please amma..." this time folds her hands and lowers her chin"
I tell her to go ask her dad to escape from the situation
"He will say, No. He already said that before"
She sulks and understands that it's not going to happen and decides to move on with her work.

Another family: A father and son at the Hair Salon. The 11-year-old boy asks," Dad, I want to get a Mohawk this time"
"What Hawk?"
"No Mohwak...geehok. Just get a regular hair cut."
"Why? What's wrong?" 
To avoid further embarrassment,  the dad starts off in their local language. "If you ask one more time, I am going to break your legs".
The disappointed boy goes and gets his regular hair cut done with one on the sides and two on top.

A group of Moms of Teenagers: "Mine wants an ear pierced"
"Mine wants a Tattoo. A Tattoo! I can't even imagine that. What kind of people get Tattoos?"
"Mine wants to cut her hair super short. What happens to all the effort I put all these years in growing her hair so long?"
"Yours just wants to cut her hair. Mine wants highlights. What are people going to think about her with those red/brown streaks? As if she is going to dance in a club. Color. She wants to be highlighted."
Another sigh! "These kids are just out of their minds. Don't know what is wrong with them?"

How often have we heard conversations like these? Very often, right? If not, at least once in a while. Why are we so rigid as parents? Haven't our parents said 'NO' to one or many more things that we wished we had or wanted to do? How much hurt did that NO cause to our growing mindsets? Haven't we all been kids once? Teens, young adults, and adults now? Haven't we thought, "I am not going to be this way when I grow up"? But then, what changed now? Did the kid in us die on the way of becoming a parent? 
If your little girl wants bangs, get it done. It is, after all, a few strands of hair. It's going to grow back. Tell the boy that he could get a Mohawk for Summer but cannot keep it forever. They get bored with it after a while. No kid can go around with a Mohawk forever. Do the small things for them.
        Let the ear gets pierced. It will close when they remove it. A tattoo. Bargain with them to get in a small size, maybe not so visible. Let them know the reasons behind why and why not.
Did your daughter ask you to take the pain to grow the hair that long? Did she ask you to toil and oil it, wash it and take all that extra care? Kids never do that. We as parents do it as we don't have the extra long tresses that we desire for. Highlights are not permanent. They'll fade away in 6 months. It's hair after all. It will grow back. If the 15-year-old doesn't wear shots, is the mom or grandmom going to wear shorts that are really short? There's a time and place for things in life.
       Kids grow up before we realize, when? While raising them feels like an eternity, they are out of the house in no time. Once they are grown up and look at their pictures, they would definitely recollect the bangs they longed for, those shiny high heels for Birthday, or that cross body pouch for a picnic or jogger pants in high school that we never let them have. They would not remember the $200 Nike shoes you bought them for working out. They wouldn't remember the expensive dinners and Birthday parties you threw for them. They won't memorize or remember all the pain and money you spend on providing them the things you wanted to give. But, they would always remember those small, tiny things you said No for. As parents, we do think they forget it easily. YES. They do. Kids tend to forget that minute or that day itself. But deep inside their hearts, these small NOs pile up and leave a void that none of us can fill. 
       We may live only until half of their lives. They are going to live longer than us and look at those pictures for the rest of their lives. Make memories for them. Memories they cherish. Memories they feel happy about. Memories they fondly want to look at and tell their kids with pride; "See, my dad and I did this together". Not with a disappointing tone that sighs, "I wish my mom let me curl my hair". Let them live their life and not yours!

Here's wishing all my readers a Very Happy, Healthy and blessed New Year! Just realized this is my 150th post. Thank you all for being with me all these years and continuing to show your love in more ways than one!

Images from Pinterest.


  1. Well said and nicely written.in matters of taste swim with the current and in matters of principle stand like rock.

    1. I completely agree with you, KP Sir. We need to put our foot down where we have to as parents.

  2. Well said and nicely written.in matters of taste swim with the current and in matters of principle stand like rock.

  3. This was such a sensible and heartfelt post, Latha! Just loved the practicality of the suggestion. Yes, children seem to have forgotten the 'nos' but they don't. I remember a post I had written on this topic, about how I was called a 'bundle of no'es' by the elder one :( To my credit though, I had allowed a whole lot of stuff that were not allowed by my peers to their children, but still I was a bundle of noes!

    BTW, did you let Ammu have the bangs or not? (I presume it is you and her in the opening example).

    1. Your affirmation means a lot to me, BM. Lately, I realise that in the bigger schema of things, small things are nothing. And yet donno why, we fret over them so much. Send me the link for that post. I think I read it. I am sure you must be a liberal compared to your peers, for sure. Yes, the first example is truly yours..;-) Well, I am okay with it but the dad isn't.

  4. I am 100% agree with you Prufhvi... And u put it together ver well..

    1. Thank you, Siva. I know you would totally understand this out of everyone.

  5. I would happily allow them mohawks if they wanted, but I am sure the school won't. For larger things in life, I am particular. For smaller things it's fine to indulge. Congrats on the blog anniversary, dear.

  6. I completely agree. The school wouldn't allow here either I believe. But may be in summer...it's alright, right? For larger things in life, it is our responsibility to let them make the right choices and help them go in the right path. And thank you for the wishes!