Do you ever scold your kids? Of course! All of us do it at some point or the other. But how do you decide when and where and how? There are different ways we all deal with it. Let us say, I have guests at home; you yell at your kid for something they have done. Kids feel offended very easily. And we shout at them for things they didn't do and the other kids did. If your spouse yell at you in front of others? How does that make you feel? Wouldn't we want them to convey the same to us in private? Kids also feel in the same manner. Kids keep doing stuff for nothing but irritating us when we are busily engrossed in chatting with our friends. That is the time when they break an expensive porcelain cup, spill coke on the carpet or jump from the bed and get hurt, the list is endless. Let us not offend them. They are still kids.
When kids are playing in a group and one kid comes complaining, how do we react as a parent? The reaction differs from situation to situation. Kids get into fights all the time and it is pretty common. If your kid gets hurt physically, it's our responsibility to pacify them. Always telling them not to complain during play is also not okay. They come to a conclusion that their parents won't adhere to them even when they say the truth.
If it is my kid who hurt the other kid's feelings, I would immediately call my son and make him apologize to the other kid and yell at him for his bullying behavior; give him a good dose of good and bad for what he has done. Many times I wonder, why do parents react differently? Wondering what triggered this post? The below incident.
We have been to a picnic where the kids singled out our son saying they wouldn't join him in their group. Though these kind of acts are very common in play, any kid would be hurt when they are said something like that. He came crying and informed me of the problem. Another parent and me tried to console him but he was crying uncontrollably. As this incident is not the first of its kind, I was deeply hurt and walked out of the scene to control myself. Later I came to know that my son approached the other kid's parents and informed them what their kids did to him. This parent said, "we will talk later about it". I didn't understand what is there to talk later about it. You either pacify a crying child or call your child and tell them to be good friends.
This is how many parents react these days. Why are they blindfolded with so much of affection for their little ones? Isn't the other boy a kid like their own?
I remember an incident very well. My sister appeared for an Engineering entrance test and her rank was around 21k. My mom would call every other person going on the street and tell them that her rank was 21k. My sister would feel so ashamed. After an year, my cousins who gave the same test secured ranks like 50k or didn't even qualify. And when asked about the ranks, our aunts would say, "Ahh, well, they got a big number or the paper was too tough, our kid got sick during the exam". I would never understand the logic behind it. We would fight with our mom about why does she have to tell our marks to everyone? And why the other parents never talk about their kids' failures?
I could only relate to the logic when I became a mom. Keep guarding and protecting your kids' mistakes, they are never going to learn.
Image courtesy: Google
When kids are playing in a group and one kid comes complaining, how do we react as a parent? The reaction differs from situation to situation. Kids get into fights all the time and it is pretty common. If your kid gets hurt physically, it's our responsibility to pacify them. Always telling them not to complain during play is also not okay. They come to a conclusion that their parents won't adhere to them even when they say the truth.
If it is my kid who hurt the other kid's feelings, I would immediately call my son and make him apologize to the other kid and yell at him for his bullying behavior; give him a good dose of good and bad for what he has done. Many times I wonder, why do parents react differently? Wondering what triggered this post? The below incident.
We have been to a picnic where the kids singled out our son saying they wouldn't join him in their group. Though these kind of acts are very common in play, any kid would be hurt when they are said something like that. He came crying and informed me of the problem. Another parent and me tried to console him but he was crying uncontrollably. As this incident is not the first of its kind, I was deeply hurt and walked out of the scene to control myself. Later I came to know that my son approached the other kid's parents and informed them what their kids did to him. This parent said, "we will talk later about it". I didn't understand what is there to talk later about it. You either pacify a crying child or call your child and tell them to be good friends.
This is how many parents react these days. Why are they blindfolded with so much of affection for their little ones? Isn't the other boy a kid like their own?
I remember an incident very well. My sister appeared for an Engineering entrance test and her rank was around 21k. My mom would call every other person going on the street and tell them that her rank was 21k. My sister would feel so ashamed. After an year, my cousins who gave the same test secured ranks like 50k or didn't even qualify. And when asked about the ranks, our aunts would say, "Ahh, well, they got a big number or the paper was too tough, our kid got sick during the exam". I would never understand the logic behind it. We would fight with our mom about why does she have to tell our marks to everyone? And why the other parents never talk about their kids' failures?
I could only relate to the logic when I became a mom. Keep guarding and protecting your kids' mistakes, they are never going to learn.
Image courtesy: Google
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This is such a pertinent post. Yes, most parents are blindfolded by their love. I don't believe in physical punishment but my stern look was enough for my son. When we went out to meet friends or in the presence of guests, we made sure that our kid behaved. And only yesterday we had guests with two little boys who messed up my sofa with Oreo biscuits. Sigh!
ReplyDeleteThank you for being my first reader again :) Oh God...you should cover them up with sofa covers each time wild kids like that come home :) Your son must be one sweet boy :)
ReplyDeleteNo doubt it is very tricky-when to scold & when not to scold a child.Your post has brought up many memories of my kids' growing up years.
ReplyDeleteBy a strange coincidence only an hour back i too published a post about disciplining children.I am waiting to see how young parents will react to it.
Love n hugs Latha.
You are right aunty, rising up kids is like a rope walk these days. yeah, I saw a post from you that day..didn't read it yet..will do...thank u for all the warmth...lots of love and hugs to you too :-)
DeleteVery thought provoking post. It is but natural that we have to scold our children sometimes. I feel mild scolding at times is adequate to correct a child. But beating is no, no, and NO.
ReplyDeleteI agree Usha ji. No beating..but condemn their in appropriate behavior..that pisses me off..
DeleteBringing up children is quite a challenge especially in the fast changing environment! The basic things like treating children with love and empathy and not saying nasty things in front of others are important. Anyway, have gone past that stage now:)
ReplyDeleteLcuky you, Rahul sir. Moreover, you have only one girl I believe. It must have been lot easier for you :P
DeleteI think a lot of parents are not worthy of being parents. They are spoilt kids themselves who never grew up.
ReplyDeleteI understand, Amit. Moreover, some kids are so super street smart and the parents don't see it at all..they think them as innocent babies who can't bite a finger in the mouth...
DeleteIts a thin line between not making a big fuss of small childhood pleasures and turning a blind eye to things that need disciplining. There are situations when ignoring would be the best option coz kids who break up easily also make up easily. But if situations get out of hand , interference may be required.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, Jaish. Such things are so sensitive that they spoil the friendship between adults too. Only if adults were more mature and had a sense of understanding for the other kids, things would be simple.
DeleteIt amazes me to see such 'different' parenting styles. I would not hesitate in pointing out the wrong done whether it is my child or anybody else's. Right has to be appreciated and awareness about the wrong has to be brought in too. But there are so many parents who turn a blind eye towards such things.... it is their loss, I believe, sooner or later!
ReplyDeleteThat is the whole point naa...They say, "Ahhh...if something is there, we tell our kids, but we don't scold other kids". Doesn't make any sense to me. I would take the liberty to go ahead and reprimand both the kids..if the parents don't take it a sport, then they don't deserve to be my friends.
DeleteEverything you said made so much sense. I completely agree, if we don't correct our kids, we are setting them wrong for life.
ReplyDeleteThank you for understanding, dear. Your agreeing to what I say means a lot to me.
DeleteThe biggest mistake people make is overly protecting their kids and hiding their mistakes..I see it day in day out ..every mother feels that her child is perfect whereas rest are all not so, her child doesnt eat, whereas all others are eating a lot..all that..
ReplyDeleteBut what you sow, you reap, so all type of parenting. is done and results are accordingly only....
This coming from an experienced mom like you, makes me feel good, Renu. Reinforces that I am not in the wrong path :)
DeleteYou are right, we need to think before we act before kids as they might think something wrong, which can effect their thought process and growth. BTW, you mom is so like mine.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words, Saru. My mom, hmm....she is one woman, I say :)
Deletenice post..you are right. What your mom did was rather necessary to make kids understand the reality. Unlike other mothers, she did not provide a cover of fakeness. nice :)
ReplyDeleteYes, you are right. She never covered us or our mistakes. I do the same with my kids too. They are mad at me, but that is how I am. Welcome here, Ankita.
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